Don’t hate me…

Yes, I know that I said I would try to post every day and now it’s been probably about two weeks since my last post and I’m sorry! I really appreciate everyone who follows my blog (though for the life of me I still have no idea why) and I hope you’re not to upset about this. I have a fairly valid excuse though: I now spend about 2.5 hours (at least) every day at soccer practice. Me. Who has never done sports (minus tae-kwon-do in middle school if you count that) in her entire life is now having practice every day and a game every week. This week was slightly more insane because we had two games, the second one was just finished a couple hours ago. Ahhhhhhh!

So yea, that’s where all my free time has gone. And I love it. I feel a little bad about not knowing if I’ll have enough time to post AND do soccer AND workout (for soccer) AND go to classes AND do homework, but I will do my best. Because you guys are great. I mean, you spend your precious time reading my amateur posts? Wow, thank you. And I will try to set aside time from now on (but no promises just yet).

Again, thank you. It’s really wonderful to know that people actually seem to enjoy what I’m posting and the things that pop into my head. And please leave a comment if you like something or have advice or need advice or whatever. I’d love to hear what pops into your head.

xo, M.

Cheating

I’m tackling a big topic tonight: cheating in your romantic relationship. Now I’m probably going to have very different ideas about this than many of you, but I’ve also never been cheated on (to my knowledge).

In my opinion, cheating is just downright dumb. If you don’t want to be with someone and you want to be with someone else, then why aren’t you with that other person? I don’t think there are any circumstances where cheating is better than simply leaving the relationship. Kids are no excuse because they see and hear a lot more than we give them credit for. And personally, I think a poor or failing relationship is worse for them to watch than to have their parents or guardians split up. And yes I do have experience with this.

When I was in kindergarten, I would go to bed at night and lay in bed listening to my mom and dad yell at one another. I remember distinctly one day that we had to go to the store (my mom, my little sister and me) because my mom had thrown her glasses against the wall during an argument with my dad, so she had to go buy a new pair. This was far more upsetting to me than when they actually split up a year later and my mom moved out.

Any way, back to cheating. Let me preface this next statement by saying that I don’t believe in the idea that there is only one perfect person out there for you; I don’t believe in the concept of The One. But I do think that there are people in the world that you are more compatible with than the majority of the population. If you’re in a relationship that isn’t working out or satisfying all of your wants and needs, then get out of that relationship. If you need to have sex with multiple people to be happy, find someone who is willing to have an open relationship. If you need to have sex with multiple people without “asking permission” (which isn’t always how open relationships work), then don’t be in a relationship and just have a string of one-night stands. If you need to have sex with multiple people and love the feeling of cheating on someone, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship but you probably should be in counseling. (If this is you, I would contact DiAnna Ritola because she deals specifically with sex and intimacy.)

I think that I’d be more upset with my partner if he/she didn’t come talk to me about it beforehand, or immediately after. There’s only one thing that you can’t work through in a relationship and that’s if one or both of you no longer want to be in the relationship. Cheating is a fixable problem. But lies make it worse. At least respect me and our relationship enough to tell me what you did.

But that’s just my two cents.

xo, M.

My recent encounters with the doctor’s office

Let me preface this by saying that I have a high appreciation for doctors and nurses, they do a lot of really excellent work and they underwent lots of training to do their jobs. I know lots of doctors and even more nurses and they are all wonderful, caring, considerate people who (for the most part) are passionate about their work.

But these past few days have made me VERY irritated with my pediatrician’s office. So, I gave them a few forms that I needed them to fill out for college so that I could actually be registered. This was a couple of weeks ago and they said that they would fax the forms to the school when they were done. And it shouldn’t have taken long, it was only a couple pages and mostly just inputting some numbers and dates and things. However, when I went to Health and Counseling services yesterday, they told me that they had never received my forms. Which is a problem.

I ended up calling my pediatrician’s office after leaving the Health center and was on hold for over 11 minutes. Yeah. When one of the nurses finally answered, she informed me that I hadn’t filled everything out and so they hadn’t done ANYTHING. Yet, I hadn’t heard anything about this, despite my attached note that said to call me if there were any problems or questions and had my cell phone number on it. Regardless, I told her that if they could finish up their part and fax them to my school, then I could finish them here (because I’m not going to be in town until like Thanksgiving when they will be closed). She agreed that she would finish them and fax them that afternoon. This took all of 3 minutes to talk through (aka, I spent almost 4 times more time on hold than I did actually having a conversation on the phone).

Then today, after class, I went to check in with the Health center, cause that’s what a motivated and responsible adult would do (I think). When I asked the woman behind the counter, she informed me that NO, they hadn’t faxed the forms yet. Once again, I called them. I spent about 8 minutes on hold before someone picked up, and then promptly asked me to hold, which I did for another 5 minutes. When someone finally picked up to have a conversation with me and help me, she informed me that they were waiting on my dad to fax them a list of the medications that I’m on (aka NONE). I told her that I wasn’t taking any medications and she said that she would have the doctor sign my forms and it would be faxed no later than 2.

At this point I took a nap because I was tired and also no longer had any patience to deal with anyone at all. I woke up to a phone call from my doctor’s office informing me that they had JUST faxed the forms. It was 3 o’clock. This meant that I did NOT have time to confirm that the health center received my information. So I will be going in tomorrow to confirm that YES they actually DID receive my forms and I no longer have to listen to the horrible cycle of muzak and advertisements and PSAs that comprise the noise of being on hold with my doctors office. Wish me luck.

(PS I do realize that the problems I had with my doctor’s office were most likely at least partially caused by understaffing issues and because I didn’t sit down with my doctor to go through all of it. I admit that, but I also didn’t have time to do that with packing up all my stuff and taking placement tests and not being able to drive over to the doctors office because I don’t have a car.)

xo, M.

Working out, DUHN DUHN DUHNNNNN

Ok, so there are obviously all sorts of perks to working out. Theres the fact that you lose weight and better fit into society’s perceptions of “attractiveness” and build muscles. And then, of course, all the pheromones and biochemicals that are released that boost your mood and make you happier.

But let’s be real, working out generally sucks. You’re sweating and you’re hot and struggling to breathe a little bit and it just kind of sucks. I went through that 3 times today. Yeah. 3 times. And I had to shower after each time.

But for the first time today, I kinda figured out why people like it. I had a bit of a hair-brained day and running on the treadmill was pretty therapeutic. I guess it is true that running is the free alternative to therapy and mood-boosting drugs. And that’s not to say that I got the “runner’s high”, no way was I that lucky. But I did find myself enjoying it and ALMOST feeling more relaxed and in the moment.

I guess to sum all of this up, working out doesn’t always suck and every once in a while it almost feels nice. And yes, I am actually admitting that. Go ahead, share this. Because I know so many people who hate working out and running, but always tell everyone “oh yeah it’s the best and when you hit that high? oh man, it’s the best part of my day”, and they’ve never had the runner’s high. They’re just straight up lying. Cause no one wants to be the person that works out and complains about it. Ok, that’s all for tonight. I’m off to bed my lovelies.

xo, M.

Nude Modeling

Yea, weird topic right? No, I am not currently planning on being a nude model. I am applying to be a model for art classes though (you know, make a little money cause I’m a poor college kid?). A clothed model.

But anyways, I was talking about it with a couple other girls at lunch and one of them said she was excited to be doing nude modeling. Now I try not to be judgmental or make assumptions when I meet people cause they ALWAYS surprise you, but this girl fits the stereotype of someone who would not be comfortable with her body because of her weight. And yet there I was listening to her talk about how being here on campus has boosted her confidence so much that she is really excited to be a nude model and have people stare at her. In fact, she was so excited that I almost wanted to sign up for the nude modeling. Almost.

I guess that’s one of the good things about going to a women’s college, you don’t have as many (almost none!) negative comments or competition about body types or the undermining put-downs that just kind of happen when you’re around men. There isn’t the same kind of subtle social cues telling you that you aren’t skinny enough or blonde enough or fit enough or bubbly enough. Because here, you are enough. Everyone is welcome and it doesn’t matter what you look like or talk like or your sexual attraction. Here you actually have a chance at learning to love yourself.

But I’m still going to work out almost every day 🙂

thanks lovelies! xo, M.

Faith

I know! Cringe-worthy topic, right? Don’t worry, I’m not here to convert you or tell you why I’m right and you’re wrong. That’s not how religion should be in my opinion. Everyone gets to believe what they want, and I’m living proof.

Both my parents were raised Christian, my mom’s family a little more strict and devout than my dad’s being as her family is Catholic. My mom did not buy into that sect of Christianity. Actually, she didn’t really buy into Christianity at all. She did go along with protestantism when she was I was a baby, but very shortly after my 4th birthday, she started taking the family to a Unitarian Universalist church. And that’s the “religion” I grew up with.

I spent my childhood learning about all the different faiths and celebrating all sorts of holidays while my mom realized that she belonged in the Wiccan tradition. I wasn’t raised to believe in God or the power of Jesus Christ or the prophet Moses or even that Ganesh (one of the many Hindu gods) would fix my problems if I prayed enough. I was raised with the understanding that many people had many different beliefs and the majority of them felt strengthened by their beliefs and god(s). This was something that I never had. As a kid, I always prided myself on being hyper-logical and “knowing” that there was no higher power that could solve all my problems and that if I wanted something changed, then I would have to do it myself. And for a long time, I was ok with that.

But recently I found myself thinking more and more about faith and what I believe and what I want to believe. I wanted that strength of conviction that everyone else seemed to have. I wanted that additional inner strength that religious people seemed to have, the kind that helped them get through addiction and mental disorders like anxiety and depression. I wanted to believe that there is a God looking over me. I wanted a God who could be like a father to me, the kind of father that my own dad never was.

And that’s where I am today. I have faith. I pray. I have a sense of someone watching over me and caring about me. I do believe in God. But I can’t tell my family because the “G-word” was worse than any swear word in my house. It was the basis for jokes and mockery. How could I tell my mom, the woman who bravely stood up to her family when she converted and who has spent numerous years mocking and making jokes at the expense of God, that I believe? That I believe in the religion she scorned and left? That while she believes in the power of the goddesses, I believe in their masculine counterpart? (No I don’t believe in goddesses, it just seemed to flow better than anything else I could come up with.) And my answer so far: I can’t. I can’t tell my mom, the woman who has been there for me forever and has always had my back and always held me when I cried and kissed all my booboos and told me that I was perfect just the way I was, I can’t tell her that I believe in God and that He has helped give me the strength I’ve needed to get through this past year. I can’t tell my (second) best friend what I believe, because it would hurt her more than I can comprehend.

I truly hope I didn’t make anyone uncomfortable or offend anyone, I guarantee that was not my intention. The last thing I want is to tell anyone that their faith is wrong, because it’s not. If you are happy with your beliefs, then your faith is perfect for you. If you don’t have faith and don’t need it, good for you. You are a stronger person than I am.

xo, M.

College crazies part 1

Hey again! So today’s topic is one of the slightly crazier things that my college makes me do as a freshman (yay!). Now this topic (which I will dedicate more posts to later) is not going to be filled with your average (or what I assume is average) experiences like the insane adventures of rushing (filled with all sorts of cringe-worthy tidbits) nor the overloading of classes and mistakes about scheduling. No, this is about how my school made me leave campus to wander around downtown today for 5 hours of my day.

This is where I’ll add in one of my (probably) soon to be many disclaimers: I like to study. I know. Laugh as much as you want but I actually enjoy doing my work BEFORE reaching the “OH MY GOD MY PAPER IS DUE TOMORROW AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M WRITING ABOUT AHHHHH” stage red phase. So I was kind of wanting to stay ON campus so that I could work on some math homework and finish my chemistry notes so that when I walk into class on Monday, I’m actually prepared.

But that was not the case. And I bet you’re going “Oh well she could have done it before or after, it’s not like days are only 5 hours long”, to which I would inform you that the excursion resulted in a migraine (potentially from the stress or driving up a “mountain” on a bus without having eaten recently nor having near enough water because they failed to provide it or inform us that we would need it). So I spent the next two hours in bed feeling like my head was slowly (and painfully) being forced open from the inside, which made me miss dinner. All in all, today was not so good for my physical health or my mental state because I’m still not feeling well but I’m stressing about all the homework that I have to do. Yay.

To my babes and bros, thanks for reading.

xo, M.

Hello world!

So I’m one of those very weird people that doesn’t like to have free time or relax because then there is way to much thinking going on. This will help eliminate some of that time and maybe I’ll actually stick with it…. cross your fingers. (Yes, I’m an 18 year old who still believes in the magic of crossed fingers. If thats a problem for you then I don’t think we’ll get along very well.) Also, when I do have the time to think, there are so many things that I want to share with people and sometimes I might end up creating conversations (inside my head) that allow me to share these ideas without sounding like a completely psychotic person. I had one of these occurrences earlier today and thought “I know! I’ll make a blog! Thats an acceptable outlet for these crazy thoughts and maybe someone else on the interwebs is looking for this kind of insanity!”. So…yea. Here I am.

This is where I include a bio about me right? Ok. I’m an 18 year old college student at an all women’s college. (yay.) Now don’t get me wrong. I have no problems with women’s colleges and I totally understand the draw of taking classes with no boys to distract the teachers with their antics or me with their frustratingly interesting conversations and thought processes in the middle of class. But I am not one of those girls who has tons of girlfriends, and I typically enjoy the company of numerous guys more than the company of numerous girls. I’d much rather have a disagreement that ends with a couple punches (light ones) than a long, drawn-out, passive-aggressive, back-stabbing, secret-sharing fight that I might not even know is happening. Yes, I think boys are often simpler to understand, and I REALLY like having some semblance of a clue of what’s going on.

And I’ve entered the land of rambling. So, I’m going to stop myself now before this gets insane.

I hope you come back! (At this point, I hope to post once a day, but we’ll see how long that dream lasts.)